I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
