a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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