someone owes me an orgasm
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
