im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
