You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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