My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
