i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize