You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
