he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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