after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
