dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
