You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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