there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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