they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
