If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize