I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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