You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
