I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
