WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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