gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
