i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize