I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
