ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am naked and annoyed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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