it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
