wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
