I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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