Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
