My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize