We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
