Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
