I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
