Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
