OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
