That's intense
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
