Is it because I queefed?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
