Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You ate ashes out of my bong
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
