Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
