Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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