After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
