After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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