Someone shit on the floor
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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