We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
