Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
