Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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