I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
not ubering you a puppy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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