Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If its not for food we ain't going out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
