Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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