I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
