I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
