Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
