I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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