She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
