I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
