Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize