i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
