careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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