i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
