I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
