weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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