Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
