to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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