that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
