Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
