Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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