remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
