she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
