everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
