i think my mom watched the whole time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
