Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
