Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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