Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize