Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fuck appropriateness.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
